shit.
if i could just cut my head off
to relieve this pounding head-ache
and every time i turn around
the world turns with me
-now i can't seem to find my way out of this ever spinning room
i've come to call my home.
and i've reduced myself to spouting emo-goth crap again
because i'm too fucked up to take my meds (God damn them to hell)
lord in heaven!!!
is it that i'm so screwed up that i've become the hypocrite i've always hated?
if i had no roots holding me down, i'd have blown [myself] away by now.

for all who know and care, i just want to say i love you so much;
when will i finally meet the real me and like what i see?
can i/will i ever make peace between me and my god and between me and myself?
(is there hope for the tattooed man?)

III

hum-de-dum.....
let's see...
this week [besides for the arrival of my favorite bean (sorry, private joke between me and the myself)] was uneventful.
stayed up in crack square all night.
saw the super/spider/robo/etc.-cops break up a fight.
pissed off a store keeper (i still don't know how).
nearly had a nervous meltdown.
almost busted a few israeli heads.
(notice the abundence of 'nearly's and 'almost's)
emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........ i think that's about it.
best wishes for an awesome year of
more smiles and less tears
more joys and less fears
and high hopes that mashiach is closer than 'near'

week two...

ah israel....
rude and noisy people, dirt abound, everything sun bleached and a bit shabby;
israel.
hit the kosel last friday night with the school; nice.
spent the other 23 hours sleeping and shooting pool.
sat. night- kicked it with the teen scene in ben yehuda.
sunday- hit some septic hole in tel aviv where they harbor rafts of medusas (and arrogantly/naively? call them boats) sat around in the bird dung playing in the sand.
monday met up with 2 old pals from hashkafa.com.
um.... nothing much for today, but tomorrow..... can't wait till tomorrow.

touch ground

ma nishmah chabibi?
(we have now reached the end of sj's extensive hebrew vocabulary)

israel's great.
plan ride was uneventful (though somebody has GOT to shut up all those damn seminary girls!!!)
arrived in israel in one piece (minus a duffle bag which as the reps at el-al say "will be 'ere wery soon")
cool grounds.
cool roommates.
cool rabbis.
cool school.

by now i know my way around town (being that i trekked alone through rachava, ended up at the kotel, went through sha'ar shechem, hiked through meah she'arim- all between the hours of 8pm- midnight and was still lost)
found out my 50 sheck expired 20 years ago. (how the hell does money expire?)

kotel tunnel toured today with the whole school.
the wildest part was when the dudes started pole dancing on the egged bus (geez, that was pretty weird)
umm.... that's it for now, i guess.
(off to go clubbing in ben yehuda...perhaps)

later y'all.
(end message)

i don't know why you say goodbye, i say hello...

congrat.s y'all.
be venting to y'all from the holy land.
(a whole fecking year!!)
don't worry- won't forget to wash behind my ears, look both ways before i cross the street, and post (i'll very try) weekly.


tearful hugs to all y'all (ESPECIALLY you-know-who) but i'll be back before you know it,
s.J.