screaming he charges
'let no one survive!'
leads the fearless warlord
of a thousand tribes
Undefeated in battle
his foes flee in fright
his flail barbed and heavy
his movement is light
but he now heads home
from the blood and the stench
with his only regard
of his hunger to quench
His adrenaline rushing
as he opens the door
but the quiet prevails
-he forgets about war
as his hunger is quelled
his weariness grows
to the beckon of hypnos
he's starting to doze
While he dreams of sweet dreamings
his head starts to droop
with a gurgle he dies
he's been vanquished by soup
----------------------
doodle, this one's for you..
50 comments:
remix means I saw it before?
an remake of an old doodle poem.
check it on h.
remix
I remembered the part about drowning in soup
Very cool and unexpected ending. I don't recall that from hashkafa. One of these days I will start poetry. I hope very soon rather than later. You have inspired me.
They say the remix is never as good as the original, but here is, with the spirit of Jamaica [somehow, reggae seems to be a fitting beat]: respect.
Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme.
Happy Pesach!
thanks one and all.
s.w/f.m.- can't wait.
tomboy- with noisy relatives and clogged bladders, one can only pray...
be happy you don't live in apt. with ONE bathroom for TEN people.
-ls
sweet lord!
ain't it?
interesting
1k dude, congrats & long life.
Without the first 2 words the whole poem is lost. But I still think you did it better then my version. (we all know whos the better poet)
kazoom kazam, eh?
you're right.
that's the main frame of the whole piece.
and about the better poet...
i humbly pay homage to you.
this ain't the place to write this as doodle doesn't check in here that often. but I'll put it here anyway cause its in answer to his comment. doodle- I your comment about being a lesser poet and it got me thinking. I was always saying how sj and psycho were my best poets and not you, but thats just because you aren't on the same catigory as them. your poetry is of a totally different nature/genre/whatever. you write black humor sort of stuff. like far side or calvin and hobbs type. it doesn't hit you, after your read it you don't feel like "man thats powerful stuff" after you read it your like that was funny, but in a sick sort of way. but the writing is really amazing. its like you can't say who is better- bill waterson or stephen king- they do totally differnt stuff, so you can't say which of you guys is better.
sorry sj, I always unload my guilty concionce on your blog. I was just worried he thought he wasn't as good of a poet because of my comments.
I have yet to figure it out- do I think too much of myself or too little *shrug*
no problem.
as i've said before.
say what you feel.
(and personally, i don't think his comment had anything to do with anything you may have thought you said. correct me if i'm wrong, doodle)
not really I thought is had to do with me. I just never said anything to make him think he was a great peot, like I should have.
blah, you';re all good poets.
now where's the updated entry, I have to go brush my teeth.
hang in there, it's coming.
i'm sorry. my teeth are coating in plaque, may i go now? and please txt me with an update.
hello-o? what am i typing here?
more juice bro. im dying here.
Oh wise man of Forshay: dangle your succulent fruit before us; so we may kneel in complete and utter awe and becometh (word?) bowled over by your awesome thought-prowess.
please?
oh. thank you ever so much.
can you also give my bloodtype and waist size?
i mean, nobody's reading this i'm sure.
How does my poetry compare? (little of it though there is)
I'm almost afraid to ask...
guess im not doing too well this week. anyway, i googling it and nothing pops up.
your waist size is smaller than mine.
scraps- honestly; i wish you'd write more.
i think your work is amazing.
flor-that's cause i starve myself. ; )
I KNOW!!!! go EAT in front of the comp
I like your poetry too. I just can't read too much at once or I get sucked in..
heehee
i already did.
*sounds of vacuuming*
;-)
Yeah, what flor said.
--Mom
MOM!!!
you know you aren't allowed here!
flor- guess what's for sups...
come on.
you know they're good for you.
screw protein. i'm sticking to tofu.
oh, and wheatgrass. (no, you don't smoke it sj..)
Now, now, children. Stop bickering and eat your brains. Flor, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not cooking special meals just for you?
fine. i'll starve.
(..and finally have a smaller waist than s.j. grumble..)
Don't be so melodramatic. And your waist probably is already smaller than his; it's the hips that get in the way. Part of being female, unfortunately.
neh, he's like a toothpick (still wiry and strong but skin-ny!). I thought he'd blow into the ocean fo' sure when we walked on the beach last week.
Walking on the beach with your brother?!? Florrie, what have they been sneaking in your water?
we were..going fishing for the nights' supper.
and it was a separate beach. see he was walking on one side of the mechitza, I was on the other.
Uh huh. Sure....
naw, you spoke to the male fishermen too (notice how i demurely stepped aside).
and yes, wiry and strong, you blazed a trail though the gunk in the marshes so I wouldn't have to get my feet wet. how sweet. every brother should be like this.
b/c i was wearing what on my feet, that you weren't?
um nice italian shoes.
and so..?
nm. ignore me im crapping your blog out.
i'm confused...
how, exactly?
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