we briefly return to our main topic which so quickly became our second topic. (not that i'm complaining by ANY means.............

it's been a long time since i wrote of Israel.....

what a weird place. period.

three major cultures fraction into thousands of offshoots and branches; each distinct and unique, will still -slightly- borrowing concepts from their neighbors.
from the white kippaed rock-throwing chareidim to the russian orthodox monks in their black robes.
the skunk haired arsnim street punks sidestepping the mir student with his black borsolino.
and the american 'exchange' students-weaving through with the chienese tour group wearing the 'jesus saves' tshirts (acquired from the scandinavian scientolgy messiah deluge) on their way to see the dome of the rock.
all being half suspiciously inspected by the 19 year old idf private and the 75 year old ragtag beggar alike.

burning trash; graffiti; sounds of shouting talmud and obscenities- it's all here.

but you got to love it.
like that dysfunctional eclectic member of your family.
you love 'em. no questions asked.

(although they do occasionally piss the hell outta you.)

THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD

just wanted to share this teeny bit of news with my extended web family:

I [soapmaker] HAVE ASKED THE HAND OF FLOR [aka bigtoe] IN THE HOLY UNION OF MATRIMONY.....
... AND SHE SAID YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

with thanks to God and love to you all, i sign off
-THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD [aka soapmaker]

zzz- whuzzat?

whoa.
revelation.
woke up today (notice how i did NOT say 'this morning'...) and said 'thanks God' when it hit me:
i should be thanking Him for the ability to thank Him.
not only that, but it dawned upon me that as a person grows through the many stages of life, an enormous factor is their gradual ability to 'wean' themselves from their parents' ever-present hand.
though not so between man and his celestial father.
in fact, the more 'mature' (ouch that hurt my brain and palatte) we get, the more dependant we're supposed to be (any objections people?) on our maker.
and even though there are things that we may do that there's-nothing-wrong-with-doing or we aren't taking full advantage of the ability to earn reward (i.e. follow everything that's written in the good book) or even just getting a little 'away time', we/i-'ve always got to remember- 'yes, but is it the right thing?'
is it easier now for me to put on tefillin and learn all day? no. ....maybe-a-drop; but it's definitely gonna get me to think more...(as if i don't do enough of that already)

off the shore of the sea there's a village
whereby fishery's mainly its trade
and though most of its faces are rough and uncut
to the last one- each man makes the grade

not for riches is anyone wanting
though not one has seen gold in his life
but he's thankful for all he pulls of the the sea
and for health in his children and wife

but you might ask 'now how is it possible
'for a town of such like-minded men?
where even the simplest one of the lot
'pared with gentry is worth at least ten?'

it's a treasure they've found in the pale sunburnt sand
where the waterline dashes its curls
it's a sparkling gem that they manage to share
which is free but is worth more than pearls

it's a small little thing called compassion
and its's fueled by a kinship and care
it's a current abound in this small coastal town
and it sweetens the salt in the air

not a soul there is caught in the ratrace
for they know of no family named 'jones'
but the concept of 'what's mine is yours' is a term
that's netted deep down in their bones

it's a beacon of life force that permeates
through the veil of thin mist and thick foam
it's a light that beams through, calloused skin dyed with blue
it's the reason i call the place 'home'

shit.
if i could just cut my head off
to relieve this pounding head-ache
and every time i turn around
the world turns with me
-now i can't seem to find my way out of this ever spinning room
i've come to call my home.
and i've reduced myself to spouting emo-goth crap again
because i'm too fucked up to take my meds (God damn them to hell)
lord in heaven!!!
is it that i'm so screwed up that i've become the hypocrite i've always hated?
if i had no roots holding me down, i'd have blown [myself] away by now.

for all who know and care, i just want to say i love you so much;
when will i finally meet the real me and like what i see?
can i/will i ever make peace between me and my god and between me and myself?
(is there hope for the tattooed man?)

III

hum-de-dum.....
let's see...
this week [besides for the arrival of my favorite bean (sorry, private joke between me and the myself)] was uneventful.
stayed up in crack square all night.
saw the super/spider/robo/etc.-cops break up a fight.
pissed off a store keeper (i still don't know how).
nearly had a nervous meltdown.
almost busted a few israeli heads.
(notice the abundence of 'nearly's and 'almost's)
emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........ i think that's about it.
best wishes for an awesome year of
more smiles and less tears
more joys and less fears
and high hopes that mashiach is closer than 'near'

week two...

ah israel....
rude and noisy people, dirt abound, everything sun bleached and a bit shabby;
israel.
hit the kosel last friday night with the school; nice.
spent the other 23 hours sleeping and shooting pool.
sat. night- kicked it with the teen scene in ben yehuda.
sunday- hit some septic hole in tel aviv where they harbor rafts of medusas (and arrogantly/naively? call them boats) sat around in the bird dung playing in the sand.
monday met up with 2 old pals from hashkafa.com.
um.... nothing much for today, but tomorrow..... can't wait till tomorrow.

touch ground

ma nishmah chabibi?
(we have now reached the end of sj's extensive hebrew vocabulary)

israel's great.
plan ride was uneventful (though somebody has GOT to shut up all those damn seminary girls!!!)
arrived in israel in one piece (minus a duffle bag which as the reps at el-al say "will be 'ere wery soon")
cool grounds.
cool roommates.
cool rabbis.
cool school.

by now i know my way around town (being that i trekked alone through rachava, ended up at the kotel, went through sha'ar shechem, hiked through meah she'arim- all between the hours of 8pm- midnight and was still lost)
found out my 50 sheck expired 20 years ago. (how the hell does money expire?)

kotel tunnel toured today with the whole school.
the wildest part was when the dudes started pole dancing on the egged bus (geez, that was pretty weird)
umm.... that's it for now, i guess.
(off to go clubbing in ben yehuda...perhaps)

later y'all.
(end message)

i don't know why you say goodbye, i say hello...

congrat.s y'all.
be venting to y'all from the holy land.
(a whole fecking year!!)
don't worry- won't forget to wash behind my ears, look both ways before i cross the street, and post (i'll very try) weekly.


tearful hugs to all y'all (ESPECIALLY you-know-who) but i'll be back before you know it,
s.J.

argh!

today i hate the world.
hate it all.
from the bastard that stole my dad's chef to open a lousy donut shop
to the slimy s.o.b. that bought my dad's place to turn it into a 'kosher style' backwater deli dive that will cater to old conservative farts and their bi-religious grandchildren.
hate the store that my dad had.
hate the fact that he sold it.
hate the cell phones that turn so much precious living time into extended buisiness hours.
hate the raucous ringtones.
hate the meaningless conversations and the high decibel level of the talkee (the phone is there so you DON'T have to shout, asshole).
hate the yiddish peppered into conversations that don't require them.
hate the nosey busybodies that need to know every move you make.
and their counterparts who smile to your face and stab you in the back.
hate the politics between friends.
hate having to choose sides.
hate having to break ties.
and the fact that i'm too damn sensitive.
hate the fact that i won't swear on my own blog.
hate the fact that i'm so pissed.
hate my meds.
and the symptoms they're supposed to cure.
hatewhen God deals bad hands.
hate the world-

or do i just hate me?

latest news on the update

coming soon; i promise.

¡ i'm so goddam happy !

(and for $1.25 a piece, so are all these illegal aliens)

tribute to the tears

don't fuck all the rabbis.
just this one.
this one's for you dave:

if i'm being bad and unruly
you can give me the stare
sometimes i'm a menace-truely.
but don't you touch a hair

upon my head
you heard what i said
i'll write 'i won't whatever you want' a million times
but the minute you raise your hand
you've crossed the line

don't you dare take your aggravation out on me
we no longer living in the the 18th century
you punish by using kinetic energy
you no longer the instructor
you the enemy

when that hand met flesh
you broke more than the silence with the noise
you broke more than my selfworth in my eyes
when you hit me in front of the boys
you broke more than my blood cells
you broke every bond that i ever had
relating to any 'greybeard'

and so now i've had enough
with this shit you tryin' to sell
try it on the devil, schmuck
'cause you gonna be burnin' in hell

now every ham i eat
everytime i go counterpoint
every time i drive on saturday
everytime i light up a joint

i'll be thinking of you
that rabbi back in high school
the one the one who din't understand me- the fool.
if you's the icon of my religion
i don't ever wanna be a jew

so thank you rebbe
for this was the best lesson you ever gave
next time we meet
i'll be pissing on your grave.

though when yom kippur rolls round
i promise i'll be prayin'
but 'God let that bastard die'
are the only words i'm saying.

so let me wrap this up
i'm almost through
i guess all i'm trying to say is: fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
and everyone in your crew
who approve of what you do

sorry for taking up your precious time
sincerely,
-the one who slipped through.

what i'm afraid of

one two
one two
zap 'im again-he's gotta survive
gotta keep his damn religion alive

how did he expect
his spark to stay lit
if he don't do shit
blaming it all
on false prophets and hypocrites

so he's just one with god
no laws no rites
just be good
-courted his wife by the moon light
they were married within a fortnight
had some kids who're unusually bright

and while life's perfect for them
i don't mean to party poop
but the offspring's whole connection
is only matzha ball soup.

-but you're not roman catholic just 'cause you eat fettucini
how are they to know that there's more
than white doilies and white silk beanies
they know about their culture
with the same intellegence as a zuccini

and they're all going to sunday school
where a bunch of fools
try to teach that it's chilled and cool
to do what you want
and to act like a freak
as long as you're covered
by the end of the week

with your membership fees
and while you've got
less of a concept
than dirt under your nails
you've got plant your little tree
up in israel

and carried by people who don't know better
an ancient culture unravels slow
like an old torn sweater
but now their lives are much better
met a nice palestinian girl
think he's gonna go wed her
while her mother would blow up half of jerusalem
if they only would let her

but the couple in love say
'the show must go on
is there something wrong with having a channuka bush
and keeping ramadan?'

got a well groomed house, car,and yacht
a clear name up there with all the elitists
but their heirloom tapestry's
been soiled by graffitists

and too soon the spiritual is gnawed to the bone
and they're feel like they're on a desert island -so very alone
they go to israel, but they're strangers in their very own home.
cannot fathom what's so special about a wall of old stone....

so zap 'im again
one two
c'mon
let his kids walk in around in more
than spiritual longjohns

let them know that there's more to religion
than a bar mitzva and circumcision
4000 years of rich history
and one tiny dent starts the fission

on hold music

there's s/t rather unsettling about this cartoon;
maybe it's how true it is.

(no, i'm not a green party radicalist)

listen up

You stand by me
I stand by you
If there is a fight I'm the one to come to
Good and bad, times we've been through
You got my back and I got yours too
All of my life you are in my crew
I'd do anything for you
Beat someone black and blue
Black and blue and I'd do it for you
-the transplants.

i swear it. friends are family.
(never forget it)

no slurpees for the legless.

so i'm walking down the street, when i see the pakistani corner store owner arguing with this legless guy in a wheel chair.
as i get closer, i see the paki first pointing at the guy's nubs, then at the 'no shoes- no service' sign.
'i am sorry my friend,' the pak says in his authentic 'stani accent. 'but policy is policy'.

i nearly split my sides laughing.

a brief peek into the life of s.j.

could have sworn i was going to be in the obituaries tomorrow.

ripping down the high way with a few friends, high in cigar fumes, music screaming.
weaving in out of traffic, catching air on the uneven road, hearing the brakes sqeal as we turn corners on two wheels,
i watched numbly (partially due to the smoke inhalation) as the two front seaters egged each other which between them is a greater daredevil.

but even as we nearly started a 3 car pile up, the only thing going through my head was: 'gee, i hope they have clean boxers upstairs 'cause otherwise i'm going commando'

the critic's verse

poetry shmoetry.


bah.

writer's block

roses are red
violets are blue
writing poetry
is very hard.

------------
is this a repost? i can't find it.
[certain impatient people better be happy ; )]

an ode to israel (i can't believe i'm doing this)

oh israel!
to sing your praise would take forever
in short you're a teeny little country
where the natives think they're clever.

the cities burst with holiness
each skyscraper and hut
but what's with all the life forms?
every second one's a nut.

a holy tongue is only fitting
for a sacred land
thank god the people are bilingual
-the language of the hand...

the land of milk and honey!
hatikvah and the hora!
the kingdom of heaven and city of gold
where everyone's a schnorrer.
---------------------------------

alright! enough! i can't go on.
sabra, this one's for you.
i hope this is satisfactory enough.

(p.s. i love israel. it's just that 1.the jewish wacko magnet of the world 2.tiring to be pumped with radically pro-zionistic beliefs [especially by people that have no clue about anything else of their culture except yom hatzmaot and falafel balls]. and so i don't like falling into that genre. i try to leave it to all the thousands of rabbis who beat me to it)

cry of the addict

Not another!
I quit!
I'm finished!
That's it!
I learned my mistake!
No more shall i take!
I've left it behind!
It's out of my mind!
I've changed to the core....
-alright, just one more.

----------------------------
this one's for you.
(you know who you are)

on a trip

-while i'm in the poppy garden
i can simply sit and gaze
at the flowers
oh for hours
drifting through the pretty haze
- falling in and out of focus
like a voodoo
hocus pocus
with the plants all begging
'smoke us!'
as my eyeballs start to glaze
- and while the colors blend together
i feel lighter than a feather
then there's sudden change in weather
lightly falling neon rain
- and when each raindrop touches ground
i can faintly hear the sound
of my vision laughing merry
as it's spinning round and round
-in the backround there is singing
gently adding to the fun
though it rains
the sky is clear
and there shines

PSYCHEDELIC SUN
---------------------------
composed on account others' experiances

the uncle s.j. show

hey kiddies!!!

it's me, uncle s.j. here to tell you you don't need to use razors or snort coke to feel happy.

yup. safety pins and magic markers are just as potent and they're a fraction of the price.

alrighty then, my young impressionable zombies,
your favorite uncle must be off.
stay tuned next time as we try to make this world a better place.

till then remember: don't eat dinner when you pour cynide in the cooking pot.

from comment to post

for those of you who haven't seen it on trixies blog yet (shame on you), here's s/t fresh and not too moody. as for the rest of you...
um... you're screwed (don't worry; new shit soon)
__________________________________________________

socks socks
socks socks socks.
why does everyone assume you need a pair?
socks socks
socks socks socks
is it 'cause they're braindead or perhaps they just don't care?

everytime i get a gift
i first give it a sniff
to make sure that's something good (like cash)
but if it smells of socks
won't open up the box
i toss it out the window to the trash

socks socks
socks socks socks.
is to get thought out gift is just too hard?
socks socks
socks socks socks
don't bother waiting for the thank you card

i'll go a tad extreme
to show you what i mean
a man i knew had no legs past his knees
when is his birthday came about
you should have seen him shout:
'what the heck am i to do with these?!?'

socks socks
socks socks socks.
kneesocks, anklets, argyle, herringbone
socks socks
socks socks socks
next birthday, think i'll hoof it all ALONE.

spring cleaning for the soul.

(trixies, you might want to skip this one.)
-------------------------------------------
ever have a moment of self introspectection?
you know, those pesky days where you wake up early and say:

"shit. what time is it?
only five o-fucking-clock in the goddamn morning?!?
dammit. you know, i probably shouldn't -fucking- swear so much.
hell, from now on it's only 'fricken' and 'shite' and whatever.
no more cussing shit out of me.
ah fuck.
alright;
starting right..... now.
...
...
....
um..
........
dang i'm freakin tired.
{shit, i sound like a fuckin hillbilly.}
...
crap.
i was doing so god damn well.
at least it's a start...
...
{yawn} well, how long was i able to hold it?
let me see...
SHIIIIIT! five o ONE? only 60 GODDAMN FUCKING SECONDS?!!??
ARGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

know what i mean?
it's days like these, i try and sleep in.

the end?

to all the fuckers and friends who peruse this excuse for a blog:

it's just about time to shut this thing down.
don't have the nerve to hit 'delete' quite yet; -but it's coming.
be seeing you.

brain worm

i suppose it has s/t to do with the music that tomboy posted and the watching of 'apocalypse now' right before conking out last night, but i can't get this short 'film' out of my mind:

the scene is all 20s black-and-white-intense-sepia footage style.
with the little squiggles and lines that pulse in and out of the picture.


little children running in an endless field; playing to the flow of the pan pipes.
and as the piccalo(?) picks up, it cuts to WWII era fighter planes flying skyhigh in formation.
then, the two scenes converge as you see the children are frolicing in the same direction as the planes are flying.
then as tempo increases, the squadron drops their bombs on the tykes.
by that switch over part (you know what i'm talking about), the clueless (yet scampering) little ones disappear one by one in small dusty explosions as the missiles contact terra firma.
the planes swoop off and the field is bare;
and the music loops back to the beginninng...


unsettling, in a pleasant sort of way.

undo the restraints...

popping pills
eating glass
stainless steel
smoking grass

if i had a dime for everytime i wanted to get away
i'd have all the dimebags i crave by now

i finish rewinding all this shit up, some jackass pushes play
got to unplug this game, but got to first know how.

i'll smash my head gainst the screen till something breaks
- i don't care which
and you can write on my tombstone
mother nature is a bitch

love to shut the world up permanently
i'd cut their throats out
then hear them try to shout
'be happy!' -hmm, looks like you could use some surgery...
-----------------
give feed back.
i'm buzzed, does it rhyme and rhythem?

my turn at MEME - a through z:

um... alright, i've been tagged for MEME by

scraps

no freakin clue why i'm doing this or what i done to deserve this, but what the he(ll/ck).
here goes nothing...

Accent: i think a blend of californian and tristate area (correct me if i lie)
Booze: ahh. none for me. think of it as a recovering alchoholic.
Chore I Hate: toss up 'tween doing the dishes and taking out the garbage.
Dogs/Cats: dogs. one day, when i've mine own pad...*sigh* (cats aren't terrible either. but they poop in the sandbox)
Essential Electronics: my mac and... um... er... a taser?
Favorite Perfume/Cologne: hang pouperiee bags from my armpits (doesn't everyone?)
Gold/Silver: rather gold on the way to the pawn shop, but silver in the breakfront/drawer/cane handle/etc.
Hometown: from cali to torono to n.j. to monsey. they're all places i've lived, but none have ever been a REAL HOMEtown in my book. just another bathroom stop on the highway of life.
Insomnia: unless i chug a pot of hard coffee before i shut eyes, morphius is good to me.
Job Title: slacker
Kids: except for my 2 year old cousin who calls me daddy....
Living Arrangements: physically-with the rest of my atomic family. mentally-so far away.....
Most Admired Trait: you'd have to ask my legions of groupies and fanclubs.
Number of sexual partners: oh. i've got my own harem. (hello? what the hell were you on when you wrote this question?)
Overnight Hospital Stays: dunno. when i was born... and when i got stitches? or broke my arm? or when i broke it again? can't remember.
Phobia: heights. suppose it had something to do with the aforementioned injuries.
Quote: (guys?? help me out here!)
Religion: Jewish.
Siblings: 3. a noisy nosey little sister, a mad chillin big sister, and an adopted swedish meatball named sven
Time I usually wake up: heh, depends what time i'm asleep.
Unusual Talent: i've been told that everything about me's unusual
Vegetable I refuse to eat: mohamad ali
Worst Habit: procrastination
X-Rays: of course.
Yummy Foods I make: chicken marsala
Zodiac Sign: sagittarius
--------------------
ahright.... who're the next victims?
argh! i'd say everyone who hasn't been tagged yet.
doodlehead, flor,libby,smb,sw/fm,tomboy, trixies, etc.- if you haven't been tagged yet, you're 'it'.

beat your swords to... building blocks?

i've never been a diehard peace activist; so until they come to me, i'm just gonna tell it to you.

over the last few days, i've been privy to a wonder that will unite all of mankind.
a creation so remarkable it's very name will strike fear in the cowardly hearts of evil-doers globally.
a device that is so incredible, i dare not even utter its name.
(so i'll show you a picture)
((bad guys beware))

you have been warned

a remix

screaming he charges
'let no one survive!'
leads the fearless warlord
of a thousand tribes

Undefeated in battle
his foes flee in fright
his flail barbed and heavy
his movement is light

but he now heads home
from the blood and the stench
with his only regard
of his hunger to quench

His adrenaline rushing
as he opens the door
but the quiet prevails
-he forgets about war

as his hunger is quelled
his weariness grows
to the beckon of hypnos
he's starting to doze

While he dreams of sweet dreamings
his head starts to droop
with a gurgle he dies
he's been vanquished by soup
----------------------
doodle, this one's for you..

alas...

do i have any gifts coming to me?

sunshine on the dark mind

oh, what a glorious morning!
what a day to be alive
the sun is about and the city's abuzz
like bumblebees tending their hive

the temperature's certainly wonderful
the epitomy of perfect weather
with no wind and no clouds, nor humidity
you simply could not ask for better.

it seems everything's dressed in its finest
and the overall look's not too grody
there's a skip and a bounce in everyone's step
- I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL SOMEBODY!!!

news cast of the (near?) future

good morning america
un saludo a la florida y a california

the time is is nine thirty seven, and here's the latest news:

-the last 5 year old child dies in the bronx today.
on her way to the drugstore; mowed down by a driveby. the city mourns her...

-in other news, congress has finally ratified the new voting laws. if we understand these rules completely, it appears that the u.s. citizen will now vote for the candidate that that he/she/it does NOT want in office.
when asked about the new procedure, your congressman remarked: 'it seems that the people merely want a scapegoat for all their complaints and problems. we figured that this is just a step closer to pleasing the masses.'

-move over rainbow flag carriers! and welcome the alchoholics and gamblers of the world in your fight for political equallity.
spokesperson fred 'the keg' bishop says: 'is there something wrong with being an alchololic? i was born with this disease. why should there be clinics and groups out there, who's sole intention is to destroy something completely natural?'
the alchoholics anonymous and gambling prevention clinics have yet to voice their opinion.

-speaking of nature, scientists draw close to finishing a new gas which is to be almost as perfect as natural oxygen. dr. robert stuller says: 'unfortunately, we have nothing to compare it to. if we only still had trees....'

-fetch the votes rover! yes, rover that sweet beagle from springfield, has just been elected into office. 'this is an amazing leap in animal right's history,' says spouse dora kinsley. 'the next step is presidency.'

more to be said, after this brief break...

madman's party

hey there jimmy ol'pal
are you sure you feel ok?
your nose seems to be caving in
you smell of bad decay

your face and clothes are caked with bugs
of maggots, lice, and moths
your orifice is leaking worms
the ammonia has worn off

you haven't even touched your cake
that's on the plate in front of you
but seriously though, are you alright?
your skin is turning mottled blue.

don't stare with that accusing look
you're not my enemy
i couldn't let our friendship break
i'd die of agony

don't you worry 'bout your severed arm
what's super glue can't handle?
so cheer up pal, it's your birthday now
make a wish and blow out the candles

*sniff*

i don't know what you've heard or believe about this upcoming thursday, but this is a great story none the less:

my sister, every tuesday, lends a hand at a rather large and hectic family that lives nearby.
tonight she's helping the mother in the kitchen, when the lady's 4 year-old daughter runs in.
'mommy! mommy!' she cries.
'moshiach is coming on thursday!
can we make jello for him?'

*sigh*
childish innocence...

proverbs (? whatever)

-time waits for no one; death is more patient.

-every sigh has a beginning, ever song an end.

-even the sharpest knife needs a handle.
---------
crazy crap floating around in the great void of my 'tween-d-ears.
does it mean anything (to you)?

sleeping easy

i went to a confrence today;
a meeting with those, who live under the bed.
and lurk in the closet and basement and attic.
that slink in the shadows and creep in the dark.

i asked them to stop going bump in the night.
it's starting to freak me out.

war: a tribute to mister tom

Today i've heard of a new location.
only, it's been notorious for generations.
many have traveled there, but few have returned.

Overly populated with the dead and ill
amazingly, the people they flock there still
kamikazes, struggle to hold upper lips
loading their passengers on for last trips
every soul knowing they're en route to die
yes mister tom, goodnight and goodbye.

paranoid

i don't ever blatently bring my personal life into my blog, but i need help and this is the most capable place to state one's problems while still being anonymous enough not to feel crazy.

there's someone/thing living in my bathroom mirror.
i've never actually seen it. but with every flush, i can hear a harsh snickering in the backround of rushing water.
once i looked up just in time to see a blur disappear off the face into the shadows of the wooden frame.
and there was nothing that might have been reflected on my side of the glass.

and if that wasn't bad enough, i'm the only one that realizes the entity's existance.
the rest of my family is blind and deaf to the fiend.

i've tried to get rid of the demon.
i've smashed the glass.
i've pried the mirror off the wall.

but with every repair that is made, the creature returns.

i avoid the bathroom like the plague when i can.
and when i have no choice, i ALWAYS leave the door open.
after draping towels over the mirror.
and playing loud music in hope of drowning the freak out.

but my parents are getting fed up.
they say that the bathroom has a door for a reason.
and that not everyone in the house wants to listen to heavy metal at 4 in the morning.
why can't they see?
why can't they hear?
the shadows, the muttering
it gets louder with every passing day.

how do i convince them?
how do i show them of the eminent menace?

mood of the day-face of the night

time has feeling.

think about it.

how come some days stimulate an obnoxious cheeriness, while others are sort of casual dress day mellow?
some nights glow with an aura of peace, while others ooze with despair and sorrow?

why is the feeling of the sun always offensive, while the moon always defensive?
is light extroverted? dark introverted?
why doesn't dusk ever smile with the same intensity as dawn?
is it impossible for the morn to cry as bitterly as the eve?

is the sun really masculine and moon feminine?

can somebody please answer me?

s.j.- marriage counselor

i don't know what it is about waking up in the middle of the night.
perhaps it has something to do with the mind 'recharging'.
or with the intergration between the chaotic world of dreams and the blurry realm of reality at three in the morning.
whatever it may be, it certainly brews strange ideas inside the head.

take last night (or was it this morning?) for instance:
wake up due to stomach cramps and gasp in shock as my brain spits out another late night special. (here we go)

one of the most fundamental laws in a marriage should always be tit-for-tat.
if a party is going into a marital relationship with an equal (one can only suppose), it must be known that newton's law of relativity is integral in maintaining a stable equalibrium.

that every action, has an equal reaction.

for example:

-if you leave your shaver clippings in the sink, be prepared to find hair globuals clogging the shower drain.

-if you take your beloved shopping on saturday, do not expect him to acknowlege your existance during the sports game on sunday.

-if you're going to make a wisecrack about the opposite gender, brace yourself for the vicious boomerang effect.

the list goes on and on, but i'm sure you get the jist of it.
if you can't take it, don't dish it.
look for the manual. coming soon to bookstores near you. :P

the miracle food plan

this just came in.
nutritionists have finally
developed the mother of all diets.
it allows you to eat whatever you want,
without changing your schedule in any way
and you still burn off all that unhealthy fat.
i believe it's called the 'get-off-your-fat-ass,-you-lazy-shmuck,-and-take-control-of-your-shitty-life' diet.
-or something like that.

reggae 2(?)

homeless in dem big world
self-inflict, i suppose
rolled in filth much too long
itsa bout time i've arose

and as i walk down de avenues
won't take dem fake words nor dem sweet smelling flowers
gotta keep on hacking through the overgrown husks
searching for clear droplets of spiritual power

be sure keep in you- at all times
a pure heart, -open eye,- a clear mind
you can't guide yourself up to higher ground
if yur still followin from behind.

never look back, you know
heights can hurt great insights
keep your's intact, stay on track-don't you slack
just above you's de truth, all below you is trite.

and de planet dem hates me
don't know what elates me
silk dressed dem still beggers
coarse rags i stand stately.

but you holdin zion in yur eyes
dis exile's just a disguise of pretend
if you lost n confused cause you caught in dem lies
rewind and play dis shit wonsa gen.
----------------------------
now if i could just apply this to the life of yours truly...
(if this is total crap, do not hesitate to call me out on it.)

att: homies and hustlers of the world

you are not a gangster.

you're just a pathetic loser who shoplifted from a seven-eleven.

playing a violent version of color war.

nobody cares about your 'turf' or your 'bling'.
mainly because neither are worth very much.

get a life.
and a spellcheck.

-----------------
whew!
sorry it's not a poem, but i had to get that out.

everytime

i'm a firm believer in the concept
of there being enough room on this planet
for all walks of life
regardless of their race, gender, or pecularities
but why, i ask
must i always be sat next to the weirdos?

thirst

a shell
void of within

left without

cold fire burning
yearning for life

won't follow the sightless
down worn paths
to a dead god

remembering is trivial
if i can't

i love you mommy

i can hear her rhythmic rocking
from the floor above
the mother in the room upstairs
who has no child to love

she's dillusional, institutional
at the very least, she's unusual
even the rodents give her wide berth
when she hobbles down the hall

her frightened eyes are red and swollen
her hands clutch tight -lest it be stolen
the dirty rag that holds the remains
of a rattered tattered doll

muttering in her intake of breath
moaning with the release
she's found the cure for loneliness
in this building of disease

she cares for the toy as if it were living
the personifcation of selfless giving
a crazy old bird she stands protecting
a mother bear with rabies

should such a soul be locked away?
it's not my job or place to say
but if you must truly interfere
-please don't take her baby

so tired

peace embrace me
for i am tired and i'm bored
give me your eternal sleep
i can't keep living by the sword

how did i ever stoop so low?
i shamefully admit, i don't know
once we drank nectar divine
where did it all go?

the merchants flock around me crying:
'a better life! oh so fresh!'
and yet still i gag- for all all their wares
reek strong of rotton flesh

relieve me of these wretched duties
please turn an ear to my shrieks and groans
redeem me from this waking nightmare
all i want, is to come home

pollution

pollution
seems the whole world is in search of a solution
but i've yet to hear it in a newyear's resolution
pollution pollution

from the butts to the cans to the toxic waste
we've even made a trash can of outer space
from first recorded time
up until modern urbanity

but know it's not too late to turn around
you can bring back eden to your town
won't you do your share
and save the fate of humanity

pollution
to stop the beast, you have to add your contrabution
time to revolt 'gainst the industrial revolution
oh pollution redemption

view point

find peace within yourself
before you chastise friends
a camera with a blurry view
-you have to change the lens

worm

pipes and tubes
coming and going
like a private plumbing system
yes, i'm a private.
or was it a sergeant?
does it matter?
bed-ridden as i am?

what good are my medals if i have no eyes?
what good are my weapons if i have no arms?
what good are my boots if i have no feet?

i've done my share
the president wanted to shake my hand
-alas...
a hero he said
a man among men

i've got a plaque on a wall
i'll never see it

so helpless
why, if you'd drop me in the mud
i'd wriggle and squirm like some sort of insect
and crawl back to that field where i lost
my limbs and my brothers
who went out on a limb
for scum like me

i'm so sorry

(hurting) poem

today i woke from my blissful snoozing
to find myself trapped in a white padded room
doctors leering orderlies abusing
my every right to self-brought gloom

pumped with anti-depressants
i'm painlessly lifted to a higher place
don't you see i despise the cheery and pleasant?
what you're doing's not more than a slap in the face

why can't you leave me alone?
cast me out and burn my file
if only a life of piss and moan
without the restraint mask that makes me smile
--------------------------------------------
it might not be your p.o.v. per say, but i'd appreciate constructive crit.
thanx

have you ever

have you ever felt enormous
like a mighty redwood
catching the sun rays
as you firmly stand tall?

have you ever felt weightless
like a gust of cool breeze
nothing can stop you
no-no worries at all

have you ever been reminded
of a helium balloon
there is nothing
that is going to hold you down

have you ever felt like headlines
of the fresh front page news
cause your name
is the talk of the town

and have you ever held your fantasy
in both hands, clutching tight
hoping that when you open your eyes
everything will turn out all right?

have you ever?